Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
