you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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