i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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