I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
