Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
