my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Can I color on your dick again?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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