My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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