A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
