i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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