I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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