Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
