why didn't you poke me back
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
