i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
