I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
