Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
my shit smells like andre
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
