You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My dick has a subreddit
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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