rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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