its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
