i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
And then my night got REAL pukey
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
