Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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