The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
