She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
