Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
