Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
