you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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