I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize