Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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