I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
