if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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