He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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