there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
