I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
