I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
