so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
