thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
