No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
