I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize