I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
