Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
