we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Sober January is a disaster.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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