Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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