I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
