Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize