And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
