Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
