People in love make me want to vomit
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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