I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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