Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
