Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
