the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
