i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
