Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
