K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
