OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
