I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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