Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
