MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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