dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
