I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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