I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
