Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize