Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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